Do all of your relationships end badly? Do you always get cheated on or taken advantage of? If you’re shaking your head, yes, I might be able to help you to put an end to this madness. After all, we are what we eat, but we’re also who we associate with. Relationships can make or break us, and there are too many wonderful people in the world to waste your time on those who treat you poorly. 

Your relationships probably don’t work out because of your old beliefs. Think about that for a moment. If you’re reading this, and you have repeatedly experienced more heartache than love, ask yourself this question. How do I feel about my relationships? Do I feel worthy of love? Do I anticipate disrespect and abuse? 

I grew up in a place where men were superior to women, so I observed the women behaving submissively to appease the money-making shot callers. I also watched women settle for not getting what they wanted. There was a lot of fighting, cheating, crying, and little peace, loyalty, and happiness. When a person is raised in this environment, they follow suit because they believe that’s how relationships are supposed to be. I thought that type of lifestyle was normal until I saw the light, but it took about three decades before I woke up. 

Our brains are meaning-making machines, so we’re wired to attach meaning to situations. A disempowering situation arises, and we immediately have thoughts about that, and those thoughts trigger fearful, uncomfortable feelings, and then next thing you know, we’re wilding out. Our behaviors spiral, and we do things that disempower us and sabotage relationships. 

Usually, our limiting beliefs spawn from negative experiences we have during childhood. I mean, being a kid is whack, in my opinion. Those were the worst damn years of my life. When people tell kids and young people, “These are the best years of your life,” that’s a lie. They don’t make enough money for me to go back to being a kid. Hell no. What’s even worse is that during those years, I developed the subconscious beliefs that controlled my behaviors into adulthood. Unfortunately, this is quite common. 

Here’s an example of a limiting belief I had that sabotaged many of my relationships, and I’m talking across the board… personal and professional. I was raised by someone who always accused me of outlandish things. All the time. The result was a limiting belief that no one ever believed what I said. That made me very defensive. It also made me think that no one trusted me, so I was always on guard about that, and I felt like I had to prove myself in any situation I was in. Going through life with trust issues like that caused me to be paranoid because I felt like people were always watching what I was doing. 

Holding on to that belief system caused way more harm than good, and it wasn’t true. It wasn’t true at all. So, if what I’m saying resonates, you might want to look at your beliefs surrounding relationships. Let’s say you go into a new relationship thinking that you’re going to be left and cheated on. If you believe that, you will sabotage that relationship in one way or another. So, ask yourself these questions: 

Is this the true meaning of this story that I’ve created? Really? Always? 

Is it possible that I won’t get left and cheated on? 

How does perpetuating this story benefit me? 

How does it harm me? 

Start thinking through these questions when those old beliefs pop up, and keep this in mind. If your old beliefs started in childhood, become aware that your life is way different now than when you were younger. Well, I sure hope and pray to God that it is. But life is not the same as it was 30 or 20 years ago. Remind yourself of that. And think about a new meaning to replace that old meaning. Ask yourself, What is a courageous or more resilient meaning? Once you develop that new meaning, then take steps to integrate it into your daily life. What actions make more sense living from this new meaning? 

As you think through these questions and reflect on where your beliefs came from, remember that almost anything can be unwritten. During the first three decades of my life, I believed I would constantly be disrespected, cheated on, lied to, and treated like absolute garbage. I felt that because that’s all I knew. But the moment I started entertaining the thought that maybe I could be loved and respected, my life changed. 

One thought changed everything. I want you to say the following statement out loud: 

I am lovable. My relationships are healthy. People value me and respect me. 

If you cringed, that’s OK. If you don’t believe what you just said, that’s OK, too. What matters is with that one thought and that one statement, you started reversing your subconscious beliefs about how people should treat you. 

Moving forward, use my language or create your own; it doesn’t matter as long as you use it. Each time you think you are lovable, you create a new meaning that empowers you. Eventually, you’ll believe what you’re thinking and saying. You’ll look around, and the people who didn’t love you won’t be standing there. They will be replaced with people who do. 

Because of your mind, you’re always in the driver’s seat. Use it to take you to beautiful places with wonderful people.